Meaningful Musings PLLC
MY SERVICES
Discernment
Counseling
Washington - Idaho - Online
Discernment counseling is a specialized, short-term approach for couples at a crossroads, often when one partner is considering separation or divorce and the other is unsure or hoping to repair the relationship. Rather than focusing on fixing problems, discernment counseling creates space to slow things down, better understand what led you here, and gain clarity about what comes next. The goal is not to push toward staying together or separating, but to support each partner in making a thoughtful, informed decision about the future of the relationship.
Relationships can hold profound meaning, attachment, and history. When they begin to unravel, the distress can feel overwhelming. Discernment counseling is designed for couples who may feel uncertain, divided, or emotionally exhausted, and who need help understanding whether and how to move forward, rather than jumping immediately into repair work.
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In discernment counseling, we typically meet together briefly and then separately with each partner during the same session. This structure allows space for honest self-reflection, reduced defensiveness, and a clearer understanding of each person’s role in the relationship dynamic (without pressure to convince or persuade the other). The work focuses on increasing awareness, softening polarization, and helping each partner take responsibility for their part in what has unfolded.
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Over the course of this process, couples work toward one of three outcomes:
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continuing the relationship as it is for now,
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pursuing separation or divorce with greater clarity and respect, or
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making a mutual, informed decision to engage in couples therapy with renewed commitment.
Discernment counseling is not about fixing the relationship, it’s about making space for clarity, honesty, and care during a time that often feels chaotic or paralyzing. Through a supportive and non-judgmental process, I help couples slow down, feel more grounded, and move forward (together or apart) in a way that aligns with their values and emotional well-being.
I meet you where your relationship truly is, supporting each partner in making sense of their experiences, honoring the pain that exists, and reconnecting with their values, strengths, and capacity for reflection during a deeply vulnerable time.
Discernment Counseling could be beneficial to you if
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You find yourself contemplating divorce, while your spouse is committed to working on the marriage.
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Your spouse expresses they're thinking of divorce, but you're willing to make changes to try to salvage the marriage.
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You're a couple heading towards divorce but want support in addressing and managing feelings of regret.
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You're in an unmarried, intimate relationship, and you're contemplating separation and seeking guidance.
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You or both you and your spouse want to take a final, reflective look at your relationship before making a decision to go your separate ways.
Discernment Counseling may not be the right fit for you if
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You are living with the danger or threat of domestic violence.
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If you are pressured or being coerced by your spouse to participate or you are pressuring or coercing your spouse to participate. The process requires mutual openness and willingness.
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If you are not willing to be open to the idea of staying together or exploring the potential for reconciliation, i.e., you or your partner have already made the decision to divorce or separate.
A good half of the art of living is resilience
-Alain de Botton
It's not about immediate change in your relationship, but seeing what changes each of you might need to make in the future if you decide to work on yourselves and the relationship.
"I don't know what to say," he said.
"It's okay," she replied. "I know what we are - and I know what we're not."
-Lang Leav
